…Leaving home for Madeenah…

Recordings are at the bottom of this story and sprinkled in the Makkah parts. *

We left from California around 6:30 am, and took us 5 hours to reach Washington D.C. (We were going from here to Washington D.C., to Frankfurt to Jeddah.  The flight was 27 hours.)  In Washington D.C. we were in the airport for 5 hours waiting for our flight to Frankfurt. (Ain’t fun at all to be in that airport when you’re wearing niqaab…sheesh.) Anyways finally at 6:30pm we boarded the plane, and the plane took off safely alhamdulillah. And then this person needed medical attention. There was a doctor on the plane, but the person needed to get to a hospital. The plane was already in air for 30 minutes when this happened, so we had to turn around and land in New York’s Kennedy Airport. That took an hour cuz the pilot had to be guided around and it to land in an empty area, etc. Bleh. Anyway, then after the plane landed it had to re-feul, the pilots had to re-route, and do all that stuff. It took 3 hours by the time we took off for the second time. The great thing was that when we got to Frankfurt, we didn’t have to sit around in the airport waiting for our airplane. Our connecting flight was 20 minutes after we arrived there, so we got to board immediately. ^_^ From there to Jeddah was 11 hours.

We arrived around 8pm or something in Jeddah (I can’t be expected to remember exact timings, sheesh, fuzzy numbers ppl. ) Things were a little easier for us because we were not with the rest of our group. The ‘problem’ with the group is getting from Jeddah to Madeenah you’d usually have to wait a lonnnnng time waiting for a bus where all the group members will fit in. Since there was only my sister, brother, and I they could put us on any bus. And we managed to get a bus in a few hours. (It wouldn’t have mattered waiting in the Hajj Terminal, but we got lucky..) It took 8 hours from Jeddah to Madeenah…thought it would longer, but whatever.  The drive was awesome.  I fell asleep in the beginning, but then bus driver turned the Quran radio station on, and we were driving through the desert under the quiet moonlight listening to Sheikh Shuraim.  It was the most beautiful, serene moment ever.

We arrived in Madeenah around Fajr time. (The bus drove past Masjid Al Nabawi on the way from the Muasassa place to the hotel, and we could hear Sheikh Thubayty saying “asalaamu alaikum wa rahmatallah…” bleh..) Anyways, the bus driver got lost a couple times and ended up circling Madeenah a few times (looool) and then finally dropped us off at our hotel. Actually, it was good that he got lost, cuz then he had to back to the Muasassa place, and then we realized because the rest of the people on the bus were from Syria, our passport would end up being in the wrong Muasassa. So while the bus driver got someone to help him find the hotels easily, we spoke to one of the people there to have our passports transferred to the right place. Then the bus dropped the rest of the people at their hotel. By the time we arrived and checked in our hotel it was 8:00 or 8:30. The hotel was right opposite the Haram. We even had a great room, cuz we could see the Haram minarats from the window. (Not that it really mattered to us about the hotel or the windows, cuz we spent most of our time outside the hotel anyway. lol)

We went for Dhuhr salaah, and after that we went to give salaam to Rasulullah (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam). I didn’t go inside the area where you can see the gates to where the qabr is.. (I dunno…do they even let women there during Hajj season? I know we can go to the Rowdah Mubarak…but are we allowed by the qabr? Well…I wouldn’t wanna go there Hajj time anyway, the frenzy people get into the closer they get closer to Rasulullah (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam) is unbelievable and a little scary..)

On Saturday, my sister and I plucked up some courage and decided to get into the Rowdah Mubarak. My brothers got in there relatively safely, so we figured it may be easy for us too… I mean there are only women, and you wouldn’t expect women to be wild, innit? Well the crowd was crazy there as well, and I seriously dunno how I made it in and out without any injury. I saw a couple people fall from being pushed. But anyways, naturally the Rowdah Mubarak was beautiful, and we were right next to the pillar where Rasulullah (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam) told Sayyida Aysha (Radiallahu anha) that if you make dua in this certain spot it will be accepted. And yeah, before you even ask, I did make dua for you all.

For those who don’t know, the Rowdah Mubarak is the area that is in between the minbar and where Rasulullah’s (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam) house lay. When you’re in the Masjid Al Nabawi though, it’s easy to distinguish which area is part of the Rowdah Mubarak, because the rest of the carpeting is red, while the Rowdah is olive greenish..

Anyway, that afternoon we went for Ziyarah of Madeenah with Qari my dad knew from last time. He really did a great job. My siblings and I kinda freaked out when we got in the car at first though. Cuz he spent the first five minutes reading dua after dua and then started reading some Quraan.. And we were like… “Err, is he gonna be reciting for us the whole way, or pointing out the important areas?” :unsure: He took us past the Masjids Abu Bakr, Umar, Uthman, and Bilaal (Radiallahu anhum). The masjids were originally built by the Ottomons, cuz those were the areas where those Sahaba’s lived, and the Ottomon’s build the Masjids there as marking so that everybody would know where the Sahaba’s lived. The Saudi’s had demolished the Masjid Bilaal though a long time ago, and so a Saudi businessman bought the land off and re-built the masjid and put a shopping center below the masjid.

We also visited Masjid Quba, which was the first masjid that was built in Madinah after the hijrah. In the Quran it was referred to as Masjid Taqwa.
“There is a Masjid whose foundation was laid from the first day on piety; it is more worthy of thy standing forth (for prayer) therein. In it are men who love to be purified; and Allah loveth those who make themselves pure” [at-Tawbah; 9:108].

After that we went past the area where Sayyidina Salmaan al Farsi (Radiallahu anhu) used to live, and past where his date valley was…his house was torn down by the Saudi’s… I guess it was crumbling apart as it is anyway. I kinda do think they should have left whats remaining. Just so that people could see what type of house the sahaba’s lived in, and what humble settings they were in, even though they were offered the best of this world.

After that we went to Masjid Qiblatain. That was the masjid where Rasulullah (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam) received the command regarding the Qibla changing from Bait al Maqdis to the Kabah. Thus it has two mihrabs, one facin Al Quds and the other facing the present qibla, Makkah. I think he said it’s big enough to fit 2000 peopl at a time… He also took on the road which used to be the trench during the Battle of Khandaq, Masjid Fatah, the gutter where the wine was poured down after the ayah came down forbidding it, Masjid Ijaabah where Rasulullah (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam) made 3 dua’s, and 2 were accepted and the 3rd rejected.

Anyways, several years ago, a local masjid here in Cali needed a a Hafidh to teach the kids Quran. To make a long story short, they contacted the Saudi Embassy, and the Saudi’s sponsored for a man from Madeenah to come and teach here. My brother had already become a Hafidh by then, but he wanted to improve his tajweed, and everybody was saying his tajweed was pretty much flawless…thus my brother went to learn by him. When he left back for Madeenah he gave my brother his phone number and all that and told my brother that we have to go for Ziyarah with him, etc. Anyways, on our second to last day in Madeenah my brother called him up and asked him if we could meet in the Haram.. He insisted we go to his house, cuz he can’t bring his wife…the kids will get sick cuz of the pollution with the buses and stuff. So we agreed he’d pick us up after Asr Salaah. (He lives opposite of Jabal Uhud.) His wife was waiting for us (I really do state the redundant, innit?!), and she thought me and my sis would stay with her till after Isha, while the men leave for the Haram Maghrib time. She was sad that we only called them on our last day, and that we didn’t let her husband take us for Ziyarah.. (We woulda called ‘em sooner, but my brother lost his phone number, and our parents only managed to get it to us at the last possible moment. We were happy though, cuz I’m sure he had enough things to do anyway!) Then she was talking about her kids, and education, and stuff in general. Gotta give one thing to the people of Madeenah for sure, they’re totally classy in the topics they talk about and the way they treat their guests… No gossip, complaining about anything, and that junk alhamdulillah. Oooh, and he has a son and daughter. We knew the son, cuz he was born in Cali, but I swear the daughter was the most precious lil 2 year old I’ve ever seen. (And I’m used to 2 year olds throwing tantrums over nothing, but she was all sweet, cute and charming, mashaAllah!)

Then on last day or so we were wandering around Madeenah after Dhuhr salaah and if you go behind all the big hotels and cross the street, 5 minutes down is where the older areas are. Meaning that everything over is not as commercialized as it is right next to Masjid al Nabawi. I like the new buildings…but at the same time it doesn’t quite do justice to the city they’re in, considering Rasulullah (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam) and the Sahaba’s so adamantly abstained from luxery. Ya know…kinda seems weird to have five star highly commercialized hotels standing side-by-side Masjid Al Nabawi. (And no, I’m not picking on the Saudi’s, because in the end the Hajji’s do like the five star hotels more than living the rough life for a couple weeks.) I really wonder at times how Rasulullah (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam) would react to us if he were alive… *sigh*

Oh, so in that area there were stores…ya know selling the usual stuff. Abayas, Thobes, Prayer Mats, Food *grin*, etc. Anyways, it was cool, we were pratically stopping at each store and looking stuff.. (Okay, why I am I saying random junk…) And then it was around Dhuhr time, and we were about to head back to the Masjid Al Nabawi… As we were walking we saw a bookstore. It wasn’t the regular bookstores you usually see there. It was like an older shop, and had it sooo many old kitaabs, and nobody was even bothering to stop by it.. And the man sitting there must have been in his late 60s or so.. He had a big white beard and a pleasant smile and so much noor on his face mashaAllah. Anyways our oldest was telling us earlier that day when we look for kitaabs look for stuff by Imaam Suyooti.. So we asked him if he had any. And at first he looked at us like are we joking.. I mean, we’re young “confused” hajji’s who don’t know Arabic, how on earth did we manage to know who Imaam Suyooti is. LOL. Then he took of a tafsir of Imaam Suyooti’s and there was soo much dust on it, it must been sitting there for ages, he lightly touched it and a cloud of dust blew off. Anyhoo, after we paid him, he told us he was from Yemen and he moved to Madeenah in his teens. Then he asked us where we’re from, and we were like Amreeka.  He smiled and started a lil dua for us that Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) accept our Hajj, and protect us from fitnah and give us barakah..   Awww…  It was so sweet.

* I recorded some of the salaah while I was there, but when I wrote the story after I got back, I hadn’t felt many people would be interested in it so I didn’t incorporate it into the story.  Here are they are.

Sheikh Hussain aal Sheikh Maghrib:

…Leaving for Makkah…

That Dhuhr was our last salaah in Masjid Al Nabawi. *sigh* We checked out of the hotel a lil before a Asr, and then went to the Muasasa office and then to the Bus station. We were supposed to leave for Miqat half hour after Asr. We ended up leaving half hour after Maghrib. Anyhoo…I think they lost the passports of one the people on the bus, so they had to look for it, and that took almost forever. It took 11 hours to get to Madeenah, and the bus made only one stop at around 1 am or something so that we’d read our Isha. It was really windy out, and I was feelin kinda sick already on our last day in Madeenah (kinda served me right though, cuz I had been going for Fajr in Madeenah with a sweater, and it was coooooold Fajr time, thus I got sick). Anyway the windiness wasn’t very good, I ended up getting sand in my eyes (you’d expect these silly glasses to help some) and I got a sore throat after that.

…In Makkah…

When we got to Makkah it was humid in the bus, and there was that point were the bus stops and they hand out ZamZam to everybody.. The bus had to wait there for like 30 minutes (and thinking about how many buses there were 30 minutes wasn’t bad), and then they took us to the Muasassa office. Since there was only 4 of us (not our whole group), they made us wait for a lil van to come and take us to the hotel. We waited for 3 or 4 hours, but they were really nice and offered us tea and stuff. (To tell you the truth, oddly the only place I’ve ever drank tea and it actually tasted really nice was Makkah.) Oh yeah, so around 9ish am they came and took us to our hotel. My oldest brother was totally knocked out, he got sick and his bones started hurting really badly, so he ended up sleeping non-stop until Isha. He didn’t even hear the adhans going off, which totally freaked us out, cuz the Haram adhan is kinnnnnnda hard to sleep through, in addition to like 10 others going off in the same street!

Anyway, for Dhuhr we went to the Haram on our own (my 2nd brother, my sis, and I)… We left the hotel at like 12:00, and that wasn’t quite the wisest time to leave.  We should have left at 11:00, but really how were we supposed to know? Anyways, the crowd was really huge outside, so we performed Dhuhr outside, by Makkah Towers. (Our hotel was on the same street as Makkah Towers. *rolls eyes*) After Dhuhr, we decided to wait an hour more for the crowd to come to a somewhat halt, so that we don’t have to deal with the crowd. In the mean time we looked around at stuff in the Makkah Towers…cool place, but is it just me or the stuff in there is the same quality as elsewhere, just the price is more and the stores are “better”? (Sorry, but everybody makes a big deal out of Makkah Towers, and I was like “Uhh..okkayy..”interesting.” Although the architecture and marble and stuff is cool about it, but then marble is all over the place in Makkah and Madeenah, even on some of the sidewalks!)  After Makkah Towers, we got side-tracked first by a juice stand, then by an abaya store, and then something else or the other. Loq. We ended up going inside the Haram about hour and half before Asr.

Maybe it’s just me, but the Masjid al Haram is really more intimidating and magnificent compared to Masjid al Nabawi. Makkah has intensity and vibrancy, while Madeenah has serenity and calmness about it.. Anyways, we kept our heads down and walked towards the Kaabah.  When we got close to the area where the steps are to go down closer to the Kaabah, we looked up, and I swear when you look up and see the Kaabah for the first time its totally incredible. There are really no words to describe it, you really gotta be there to feel it.. <3 We kinda stood there dumbfounded and speechless for a like half minute… Oh yeah, then a guard came and was like “Yallah ya haajj!” to break us out of that daze.  Hehe.  Anyways, we did Tawaf, and uh, wasn’t too good an idea to do it on the first floor. It’s a great feeling to be that close to the Kaabah, but the crowd is in a frenzy, and a lot of the pick-pocketers are there.. Alhamdulillah, we stayed safe though. (Well, actually, my sis almost got pick-pocketed, but then somebody pushed her away, so the other person had to leave her alone and continue on. The only time I think she didn’t mind being pushed. *chuckles*) Anyways, it took us about an 1 ½ hours to complete the tawaf. We finished precisely right before the Asr adhaan went off! (And for anybody who might be curious, Sheikh Saalih aal Talib led.)

After Asr salaah, we did Sa’iee (7 times between Safa and Marwa). That took like 2 hours, which wasn’t soo bad. After that we waited for Maghrib salaah, no use leaving and coming back, cuz there was only 30 minutes left, and the crowd was coming in the Haram. Then there was this one guy who sitting next to my brother, and during Tawaf somebody tried to pick-pocket him.. And he didn’t have anything on him, and they used a knife, and they ended up cutting his stomach a lil. He came for Hajj alone, and he was sad and lonely, so he was talkin to my brother until Maghrib.  Aand..Sheikh Sudais led Maghrib!  It was awesome to stand behind him…

Sheikh ‘Abdul Rahmaan as Sudais Maghrib:

And after Maghrib, we left and my brother shaved his hair, and then we went to the hotel room to check on our oldest brother.. Wasn’t pleasant.. Anyways, we went back for Isha, again led by Sheikh Sudais!  We went to the third floor to perform Isha, cuz its not as badly filled as the first floor. After Isha, we waited for the crowd to lessen before we could leave… Anyways, my brother ended up falling asleep, and we didn’t wanna wake him, cuz a wheelchair had knocked his leg right as we were walking into the Masjid al Haram, and he almost fainted. (Which was pretty bad, cuz he doesn’t faint usually in pain…) He only woke up around 12 tho.

Sheikh ‘Abdul Rahmaan as Sudais ‘Isha:

Then we headed back to the hotel. And you’d think cuz I was so tired, I’d get sleep immediately. Well, below the hotel, there was a tape store. And they played Sheikh Sudais’s khatam dua on repeat, LOUD! I mean, loud is an understatement.  Oh well, it wasn’t so bad, his dua was great anyway even if it killed my sleep. The lack of sleep and the loudness gave my sister a headache, and Fajr time Sheikh Sudais led and obviously he was calm compared to the dua when he was crying, and she was like “Ohhhhhh…why on earth don’t they play his calmer times?!” looool.

Anyways, the rest of the days, went without incident really alhamdulillah.  Sheikh Sudais was on a roll, leading all the aloud salaah, and it was just a dream to pray behind him, hearing all those emotions like.   On Tuesday we left for Mina with our group, and the night before in ‘Isha he prayed the Hajj ayaah from Surah Baqarah.

Sheikh ‘Abdul Rahmaan as Sudais ‘Isha:

…The days in Mina…

The Hajj days in Mina were the only days we spent with the group, we didn’t even in spend time with them in Makkah, cuz me and my siblings stayed to ourselves, unless we were talking to random people in the Haram.  Speaking of random people, you know what’s really cool? Some Arabs try to talk to you regardless of the fact you don’t know Arabic. They’ll figure out how to get their point across through sign language and stuff…its sweet.  Back on topic, we were supposed to leave at 10:30am, but the Saudis had assigned guides to buses and stuff, and our guide didn’t get to us until 12:30ish. And we were cool with that, cuz when you think of the traffic naturally it’s going to take the guide a while to get back. Unfortunately the others in the group didn’t think of it that way, and start picking on the Saudi govt for always doing things wrong. lol.  Sorry, but sometimes when people complain its hard not to laugh.  It took like 2 hours to get to Mina. And when we got there…things weren’t quite what anyone expected.. The Saudis gave the American tents those foldable mattresses, blankets, and pillows. That’s cool, I guess.. But it’s not as though they gave it to every other countries tents, so on a personal note my siblings and I felt that they shouldn’t have put it for the Americans. (Our group leader didn’t ask for it, my brothers said he was surprised by it.)

Our first day in Mina went great overall alhamdulillah.  I will admit that a few ladies got on my nerves cuz they were talking non stop a lot of the day, and it sucks when you try to talk about Islamic things, and it goes in one ear and out the other. In their defence, I understand it wasn’t their fault because I presume nobody told them specifics about the days of Hajj. Finally, my sister after Isha saw I would loose patience, and I told her I’d be back in 5 mins and she was like where are you going?  I replied that I’d go for a walk so she called my brothers and we took all took a walk outside.  It was cool, cuz there were mountains like 15 minutes away, and we sorta climbed it (not too high, too scared to, hehe), and sat there for a while and did ibadah.. Alhamdulillah when we got back everyone but one lady was asleep. And thankfully, the lady who was up was sweet. (She was 8 months pregnant, and she couldn’t get sleep, and she started talking to me about Rasulullah (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam) and stuff. We found out later that Sheikh Nuh Keller was in our group and her and husband were his students mashaAllah!)

On Wednesday was the Day of ‘Arafah, and we made it there without event.  Our group leader was supposed to have somebody talk about the importance of the day, but he didn’t talk. *blinks*  But that was okay, we still did whatever we had to do.  Our mother gave us a lecture on that before we left Amreeka anyway!  What was really nice was that were Turkish and British tents close to ours. And the Turks had some really nice dhikr going on, and we wandered by their tents and sat there for a while and listened. The British had some sheikh talking about how the day of qiyaamah will take place on the plains of Arafah and basically how Muslims should try to emulate the lifestyles of Rasulullah (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam) and the Sahabah, because that’s the only thing that’s gonna help us when we come back to Arafah on the day of Qiyamah…  It hits home more when you actually hear those words right there.

Our group leader warned everyone that we would leave ‘Arafah for Muzdalifah at around 11 or 12 at night, cuz that’s when we were supposed to leave. We couldn’t leave immediately after Maghrib, cuz the traffic would be jammed, and we wouldn’t get anywhere anyway.  We didn’t mind, cuz well, who would mind more time in ‘Arafah?  It’s a once in a lifetime moment.  Well, around 9:30 pm people started getting impatient, and told the group leader to get us onto a bus ASAP.  (Almost three years later, and I still don’t understand the purpose behind the rush..) After 45 minutes minutes, he gave in, and agreed to take the next bus. The group was split in two now, cuz the bus that came next wasn’t big enough. Anyhoo, the bus driver didn’t know what he was doing (or maybe he did, but that’s a scarier thought *blink*) cuz he was driving us around in circles, and then he didn’t drop us off at Muzdalifah. He took us past it and headed straight on to Mina. *double blink* So one of the Afghani and Arab brothers were like “Hey, wait! Stop the bus” and they jumped up. So he let them and some other brothers, including my 2nd brother get off the bus. And then the buses in front him started moving, so he closed the doors and started driving. Anyways for a few of us, our family members had gotten off, so we panicked that the driver would go too far and we’d loose our family. He had to stop thanks for traffic, and the brothers at the front forced him to open the door, and almost everybody got off. There were six people who still didn’t make it off in time.

Anyway, back at the area where my 2nd brother was, him and the others who got off had grabbed the luggage that was on the bus and put it on the sidewalk. Well, the others were tryna figure out what bag was theirs, etc, and our sub-group leader got annoyed and said whoever wanted to pick up luggage will have to head to Muzdalifah on their own without the group. So my brothers and three other brothers were like, well, 6 people’s luggage are here, and we dunno if there anything valuable here, therefore we might as well split from the group and drag the luggage on our own. So that’s what we did… (The sub-group leader was upset, but if he had listened to the main leader about leaving ‘Arafah at the right time, we wouldn’t have been in this mess to begin with. Qadar of Allah SWT, s’all good.)

After we picked up our pebbles, we walked to the border of Muzadalifah and performed Fajr and went back to the tents. We did the pelting after Asr, when the crowd was less, and calmer.

We went to do our Qurbaani after that.  The place to do it wasn’t close to our tents, about an hour long walk, so we walked and walked and walked.  By the time we got there though, it was closed.  The sun was setting and the sky was beautiful.  There was a man there selling Vanilla ice cream.  It was only SR1 for each tub!  We bougt one of each of us and it was the best ice cream ever alhamdulillah.  We got a ride back to Mina after that.  The next day we went to do our Qurbani, and that place was an hour’s walk away. It was nice anyway. And we got to see the goats too… And the one that I got was a pretttty white one. (I’m serious, it was really pretty. Lol) And amazingly I didn’t even gag by the blood.

After that we took a taxi to Makkah to do our Tawaf and get out of Ihram. It was after Asr when we left and got to Makkah. Anyway, obviously the crowd was less in Makkah (I’m SO great at stating the obvious! *grin*) and we did Tawaf on the first floor easily alhamdulillah. If we had more time we could’ve touched the Kabah and the Hajar Al Aswad, but we did Tawaf in between Maghrib and Isha, and the Isha adhan went off. And after Isha we tried to get back to Mina immediately. We finally got a taxi, and he was gonna charge us SR 120, but my brother bargained him to SR 80. He was annoyed but agreed. He was charging the most out of most but we had no choice. Anyway, after that he rode around Makkah for about 30 minutes trying to get more passengers.. And he was not successful. Well, finally we were rescued from him, cuz the police were randomly stopping people, and they stopped him and asked him for his legal papers. And he was totally acting dumb as though he didn’t understand them, and after a few minutes of gentle questioning the younger police officer got mad and yelled at him to answer. At that point we freaked, cuz I mean they’re police officers and they’re angry, what will they do with us. Well, the police officer, just calmly opened the door smiled at us and let us out. And then they went back to yellin at the guy. Lool. Anyway, we decided enough with the buses and taxi’s, and we’ll just walk it.

As we were walking, there was this car with two Saudi ladies in the back who had their windows rolled down.  They were just handing out a package with a cheese sandwhich, cake and juice to everybody they could!  Then the driver stopped, got out and opened the trunk to get more for them to hand out.  They actually had a whole trunkful.  It was amaazing…!

On the last day in Mina, the group leaders told us we’d all go to Jamarah together after Dhuhr, and then come back to the tent and leave immediately for Makkah. (The other two days everybody went separately in their own time, but since we had to get back to Makkah that day, we all had to go together.) Also it was drizzling on and off, and it was sunny one minute and threatening to rain the next, so we were kinda freaked that something bad may happen. After Dhuhr we all went, and the weather was pretty good alhamdulillah. Well, as we got closer to Jamarah, we lost the group in the crowd and ended up by ourselves. There were loads of people sitting by Jamarah and they had camped outside there for only Allah knows why. And everyone who was trying to get in to pelt was tripping over these people, it was crazy. The police were trying to evacuate them from there, but they were fighting with the police. Nice scene that was, seeing the hujjaj fighting insensibly with the police. (Pardon my sarcasm.) Anyways, we made it through, and the closer we got to the pelting area, the more scary things got. One guy almost tripped me, and my brother caught me in time, and the guy started fighting with my brother for saving me.  He actually was yelling at my brother telling my brother to let go of me so he could pass through.  My brother almost started arguing right back, but we made him keep quiet. He was a bit riled up the man was arguing with him, and he didn’t realize he could possibly loose life.

After a few more incidents like that within the next few minutes, we gave up and we might as well just stick to going after Asr. We went back to the tent… The rest of the group wasn’t there yet, and when they got back, they were surprised we made it back so early. Anyways, they were packing up and doing some last minute ibadah and stuff, and it was around 3:30 and it started raining.. First it was just the usual drizzle, and then it started pouring. The tents close to ours started flooding and the area where the steps are which lead to the road was flooded knee-high. The water was flowing like a rover, it was scary. We were fortunate though, as our tent was in a perfect area, so we didn’t get flooded much. About 20 minutes or so after Asr, it let up though and went back to drizzling, and the group took a bus to Makkah, and we were left alone. *sniffle* Anyways, it stopped raining fully about 30 minutes before Maghrib. It was totally easy, cuz mostly everyone was gone, including the people who were sitting outside Jamarah outside previously. Although, sadly, we heard at the time a few dozen Hajji’s and several police officers died by Jamarah, cuz of the rain and they were in frenzy not to get drowned. May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) grant them Jannah al Firdaus. Ameen.)

My brother had lost many pairs of sandals during our trip.  Two in Madeenah, and then we lost count of how many in Makkah.  Anyway, in Mina, one of the brothers in the tent took my brothers sandals which he had just bought, and my brother was without sandals!  So it had just poured in Jamarah, and the water was still a bit high as we trudged through and my brother was barefoot.  We looked around to buy some sandals, but all the sellers had packed up and left.  We tried to ask the Saudi Army men who were there for help on where there may be some person selling sandals.  And they looked at each other and didn’t know.  They were looking at my brother and felt bad for him too.  So this one man looks at my brother, and takes off his sandals and insists on my brother taking them.  They were realllly nice too, and my brother was embarrassed and tried so hard to say no, but had to take it because well, do Arabs accept no for an answer to their generousity?  May Allah reward that man abundantly.  Ameen.  It’s amazing how people insist on picking on the Saudis when they return from Hajj, yet I can remember the most beautiful things being done to us by the Saudis.

The hujjaj were trying to get out of Mina as it was after Maghrib now. They were desperate to get out, and many were elderly and couldn’t make the long walk. The taxi drivers benefited from this of course. They put their prices up to SR 200 for 4 people. A trip that would be regularly SR 5-10! I understand they want to earn money, but over charging elderly hujjaj is wrong. L We decided to walk to Makkah. Alhamdulillah on our way to Makkah it didn’t rain…

It took 2 ½ hours to get to our hotel. Although that seems long, it was not so bad at all. It was pleasant, and it is a lot better then sitting a car in the middle of traffic and honking horns. At least with walking you’re moving and not restless. The only odd thing was that it was kinda cold. (I mean how weird that is… Makkah being cold?!) hehe.  Anyways, it was nice walk.  And the way there were Saudi’s who were standing by the street handing out coffee, tea, and ginger in milk. It was so sweet. <3 I think the ginger in milk kinda helped my cough actually.

We reached the Haram about an hour after Isha..  It was exciting to see the minarats of the Haram and realize we maade it back.  We were happy to be close to our hotel, our destination to catch up on ressst. Alhamdulillah we made it safely to our hotel. Our parents called to check up on their crazy children to see if we’re okay and made it safely.  We had called them quickly when it started pouring in Mina, but our battery had been going low, so they were thinking about us that whole time wondering we got up to.  After that we slept… The cassette store was at it yet again, but I put the pillow over my head after an hour. I mean I like Sheikh Sudais’s dua, but it being on repeat for hours on end was a bit much, even for me! Besides, after that they switched to the Muhammad Nabeeuna nasheed. Arg! How can I get sleep to a cute child singing?!

We stayed for a week after Hajj. And the rest of the days in Makkah are a total blur to me now. Things happened kinda fast and I got badly sick among other things.  The cassette store guys did switch over to Sheikh Jaabir and Sheikh Naasir al Ghamdi’s recitation for a while, after my brother had asked them a few times if they had any unique recitations of theirs.  We did a bit of shopping.  All I remember now was making Tawaf and looking at the Kaabah.. (That’s all that matters though, innit.) Oh, and Sheikh Taalib did the last khutbah, which was nice mashaAllah.

The trip back home was muccch more pleasant. Came from Jeddah to Germany and from there straight to Amreeka. Didn’t have to wait long in the airports either. It only 20 hours instead of 27.

I have to say, leaving Makkah and entering the International Terminal to be surrounded by non Muslims through me off guard. You get used to being surrounded by Muslims, people always saying salaam to you, dressing modestly, having a kindness about them, and then you see non Muslims for the first time after a month, you feel like fish out of water.  It was even weirder arriving in California, when the police officers get fussy over tiniest things, while in Saudi Arabia the police officers are a bit relaxed. Okay, maybe too relaxed at times.  I don’t blame the Cali police for being that way at all though.  But yeah, being in California again really made me appreciate Makkah and Madeenah more. <3

Here are the recordings from after Hajj.  Sheikh Taalib was leading Fajr, ‘Asr and Maghrib and Sheikh Khayyat was leading Dhuhr and ‘Isha alhamdulillah!

Sheikh Taalib Maghrib:

Sheikh Khayyat ‘Isha:

Sheikh Taalib Maghrib:

Sheikh Khayyat ‘Isha:

Sheikh Taalib Fajr:

Sheikh Taalib Maghrib:

Sheikh Khayyat ‘Isha:

Sheikh Taalib Maghrib:

May Allah have mercy on us and take everyone of us there!  Ameen.

A sister from the UK went for Umrah with her family during Ramadhan

Madinah

If you arrive in Madinah by plane from Jeddah, try to get a seat on the right hand side of the plane. Because, as you land, you can see Masjidul Nabawi. You can just about see it during the day, but if you arrive at night, you can see the minarets in the distance clearly as they are all illuminated. And you can also see the masjid as you drive towards the centre of Madinah from the airport. Visiting Madinah has quite a different feeling from visiting Allah’s house. I think its because Madinah is to do with a human being. And not just any old human being but the greatest one that ever walked the face of this earth, who made so many sacrifices and went through so many hardships so that the deen of Allah could prevail and remain for us. And yet what were we doing? I felt so small and insignificant.

On arrival in Madinah, we had missed all the salaahs. And we got the wrong hotel. Mum and dad had booked one close to the entrances that go to the prophets grave, so they wouldn’t have to walk too far, but this one was right at the opposite end. These things do happen when you go and are often tests of your patience. But when we drew back the curtains the next day, we forgot about all that. This was the view from the window.

Veiw from the Hotel Window

All ten minarets were in full glorious view. That day we decided to go and offer our greetings to the Prophet at the Rouda. The area of Riyaadul Jannah is marked out with a white carpet, and people try to read at least two raka’ahs of nafls here. But because the area is small, and the people many, you can imagine what happens. The pushing and shoving has to be seen to be believed – actually someone stepped on my head while I was in sijdah!

The feeling you get when you stand before the graves to offer your greetings is just unreal. And then you also get misguided people lifting their hands up in du’aa towards the graves, or worse still prostrating towards the graves. You also do get occasionally mass hysteria. It seems so wrong and so inappropriate. On subsequent days we didn’t even attempt to enter riyadul jannah but thought it more appropriate to offer our greetings from slightly further afield so that we didn’t have to get caught up in all that pushing and shoving. Madinah itself is very clean and has a serene and tranquil atmosphere. It is a shame that that gets spoiled right in the vicinity of the Prophets grave.

Later that day I was out shopping with my father and sister, (the area is unfortunately highly commercialised), in one of the knick knack shops, when all of a sudden we heard a loud crashing sound. We looked round to see that masses of steel plates had fallen off the shelves onto the floor, and in the middle of all this mess, was my sister, unconscious on the floor! The shopkeepers round there weren’t too helpful, so I actually went up the masjid and asked one of the ladies at the door. I had just enough knowledge of Arabic to get her to understand that my sister had fallen in one of the shops. Now you have to hand it to the Saudis, if you make an effort to learn even a little bit of their language they really appreciate it. And once they judge what kind of level you are at, they try to speak back to you in the same way so that you can understand. So this lady told me exactly what to do, who to go and speak to, what the word was for an ambulance, she was an absolute Godsend. So we got the ambulance, and while in it on the way to the hospital, realised that my mother, who was in the hotel, would be really worried about where we had got to. As none of us had mobiles on us, the ambulance driver lent us his, so we made a quick call to let her know what had happened. This would have been out 11.30 am (it was Friday). Anyway, in the end my sister was fine, she was just dehydrated, and a bag of fluid later we were ready to go. We had missed jumu’ah completely. When we got back to the hotel, we asked our mother how jumu’ah had been, and it turned out that she never made it either because my dad had the key to the room and she had been locked in!

When we all woke up that Friday morning, none of us knew that not a single one of us would be able to perform salaatul jumu’ah. We spent all that money and were actually in Madinah, yet Allah had other plans. That was a valuable reality check for all of us.

Taraweeh in Madinah was beautiful. Especially one particular day, when we were standing in our usual spot under the shade of one of the minarets. The first ten raka’ahs were sooooooo beautiful. It was the story of Prophets Musa and Ibrahim. It was recited so beautifully that I was concentrating on every word – and I don’t often manage to do that! And there was a recurring verse “wa inna rabbaka lahuwal Azeezur Raheem”. I felt at some points like I was actually in the story, like I was actually there. I was so disappointed when I realised that the first ten raka’ahs had finished. Afterwards we all met up at our usual spot, and the recitation of the first ten raka’ahs was the first thing that we all talked about. So, my dad went and asked one of the policemen in the street, in his Qur’anic Arabic “Maa ismul imam al-awwal?” the policeman replied,”al imaamal awwal? Ismuhu Salaah Budair”. So, his name was Salaah Budair, and the surah he’d been reciting was Surah Shu’araa.

Recording supplied courtesy of www.haramainrecordings.com

The other thing that we hadn’t seen before, was what happened outside the gates to courtyard of the mosque at the time of the witr du’aa. Because some people read ten rak’ahs and then maybe do dome shopping. But when the witr du’aa started, passers by on the street stopped at the nearest gate, dropped their shopping bags onto the floor, and raised up their hands to join in the du’aa. As soon as the du’aa was over, they picked up their bags and carried on! I’m not sure wherever else in the world you can have such a spiritual shopping trip!

We also went to Masjids Qubaa, Qiblatain, and to Uhud. Uhud was amazing too. I just kept looking at the size of the mountains and thinking, this is where it all happened. Soon after that we had to go to Makkah, but here are some more pictures of Masjidul Nabawi.

The main entrance at night.

Main back entrance to Masjid al Nabawi

Main back entrance to Masjid al Nabawi

The Dome from the eastern side

One of the doors to Masjid al Nabawi

The Dome from the southern side

Makkah

When we first arrived in Makkah, we had just missed the last prayer. So we went straight to our hotel, dumped our luggage, did our wudhu, and left for the mosque. I still could not believe it. Here it was, the place I had dreamed of visiting all my life, and now it was right in front of me, and I was about to enter it. Masjidul Haram at night truly is a sight to behold.

King Fahd Gate at Night

In fact, it is a sight to behold at any time of the day or night.

King Fahd Gate in the Day

The architecture of the masjid itself is beautiful both inside and outside. After entering, ideally you are supposed to keep your gaze lowered, so that when the ka’bah appears, you appreciate its majesty even more. Alas, I wasn’t very good at that all! My gaze was searching out the ka’bah. Then, between two pillars (masjid al haram is full of pillars wherever you go) there was something black, but I couldn’t tell what it was. Then I became aware that the people I could see beyond those pillars were all walking in the same direction. Then as we progressed further, I saw some gold embroidery appear on the top part of this black thing. And that’s when it hit me. That’s when it hit me that I was actually looking, with my own eyes, at part of the ka’bah. I really cannot describe in words what I felt at that moment in time, so I won’t even try! As we progressed further the whole ka’bah became visible. We all stood still and prayed. At that moment in time all I could do was to thank Allah who had given us the means to come here, actually brought us here, and the fact that I had eyes with which I could actually see the ka’bah for myself. So many different thoughts and emotions went through my mind. Only to be disturbed now and then by cries of Yalla ya haaj (as sis Jawharah said!!) That jolts you out of your thoughts and brings you back to reality really fast! We went down the stairs and onto the mataaf (tawaf area), and joined in the tawaf. I just could not believe I was here, and I kept gazing at the ka’bah while doing my tawaf. I just couldn’t stop looking at it, but then had to if I wanted to avoid bumping into whoever was in front of me! And I was aware, while doing my tawaf, that the angels were also doing tawaf directly above us around the baitul ma’moor. That was an awesome feeling. As my parents were tired, we decided to postpone the sa’ee until the following morning after Fajr, so as to get a good nights sleep, as we had not slept all night.

So the following morning we all entered the masjid and made our way to the prayer area near the mas’aa (saee area). Here there’s a bit for ladies right at the front, by the stairs that go down to the tawaf area. The ka’bah was in full view as the adhaan sounded. Then the imam said “ista’oo…uqeemu sufuufaqum wa saddul khalal…” That voice kind of sounded familiar but it hadn’t yet dawned on me who it was. And then he said Allahu Akbar. It couldn’t be could it? And then he started Alhamdulillahi rabbil aalameen in his characteristic tune. I was standing with my mum on one side and my sister on the other side, and they both gave me gentle nugde. It was. It was the imam whose du’aa tape and whose recitation I listened to day in and day out. It was Shaikh Saud As Shuraim. Now I really could not believe it. Here I was inside masjidul haram, praying with the kabah in full view behind Sheikh Shuraim. I thought I was the luckiest person alive. While everyone else was merely facing this direction, I was here. I just could not thank Allah enough for that and still can’t.

We completed our sa’ee uneventfully. The next morning, at tahajjud time, I heard what to me, was probably the most beautiful adhaan ever heard on planet earth. It was so hauntingly, awesomely beautiful. I’d never heard anything like it before. So the following day I had a tape recorder at the ready, and leapt out of bed to record it but missed the first takbeers. The quality is appalling, but you still get an idea of how beautiful the adhaan was.

I later found out that that particular muaddhins name was Shaikh Farooq Abdul Rahman Hadhrawi.

Luckily, our hotel (now unfortunately demolished) was just across the road from the courtyard to the haram. So for all our salaats, all we had to do was to come out of the hotel, cross the road and plonk ourselves on the pavement next to one of the clock towers dotted around the haram area. We always managed to get the same spot every day, next to the same clock tower, so for the last ten days this is where we prayed. Which meant that once the salaat was finished it was easy for my parents to get back into the hotel without getting too caught up in the rush. Except for one day that is. When they did make it back into the hotel. But I nearly didn’t. Because there was a fast flowing river flowing down the street. A human river, that is. And I was stuck on the other side. My mum had made it across to the hotel door. But the flow of people down the street was so heavy and fast that I would have got trampled had I even dared to try and make it across. Even the hotel staff were by now standing outside the hotel door with my mum, watching helplessly. Well actually they were laughing. They found it highly amusing. I suppose it’s only a sight that they get to see once a year as well! Anyway, after about half an hour, I finally made it across, just about in one piece!

A picture of the crowded streets outside the haram

Crowd outside the Haram for Taraweeh

Taraweeh and tahajjud in Makkah was a unique experience. The whole atmosphere, the realisation that you were in the best place on earth, the sheer volume of people, the recitations, it really was very pleasantly overwhelming. But still certain parts stick out in my memory more than others. For example, I can still exactly where I was standing, and the breeze that was blowing while sheikh Muaiqly was reading Surah Rum. Especially those six ayaat that begin, “wa min ayaatihi…”. It was soooo beautiful. You see in Ramadhan, they take extra care over the sound system both inside the haram and outside. If you look carefully, you can see that there are speakers dotted on most of the shops and hotels, as well as specially erected poles that are covered in speakers from top to bottom. So the depth and the echo that you hear while you are actually there is awesome. Unfortunately though, none of the CD sets that are available capture that. Here’s a recording of that extract from Surah Rum, but it doesn’t like I said, capture that beauty.

Recording supplied courtesy of www.haramainrecordings.com

Tahajjud was at 1am. I never knew it was possible for so many people to gather at such an “unearthly” hour. Subhaanallah. I did begin to wander what on earth I would do in such long rukoos and sujoods, but it wasn’t long before I was beginning to wish that they would never end.

The 29^th night was just awesome. That’s the night of the khatmul quran dua. It was absolutely packed, inside and outside as far as the eye could see. Nowhere else on the planet do so many people from different countries turn up to worship Allah alone. Unfortunately though, we didn’t anticipate just how quickly all those people were going to turn up. Which means by the time we tried to get out of our hotel, we couldn’t. Because the jamaa’ah was already right up to the door and past it. We were stuck! And on the 29^th night of all nights! So next time inshallah we won’t move after Maghrib. But all was not lost. Our hotel had a prayer room on the 1^st floor with speakers from the haram (though the sound wasn’t too good), we did manage to pray and join in the du’aa. The view from there of all the people was spectacular.

Standing in prayer on the 29th Night

Standing in prayer on the 29th Night

Eid in Makkah was just something else. The announcement for Eid was made 10 minutes before Isha on TV, so after Isha a lot of people stayed put waiting for the taraweeh to begin, not realising there was none.

We left early for Fajr the next morning and got our usual place next to the clock tower. A word of advice for anyone contemplating Eid in Makkah. DO NOT MOVE after Fajr. Stay firmly put, as salaatul Eid is only about 15-20 minutes after shurooq (sunrise). If you move, you can pretty much forget about getting any decent place, in fact any place at all. As we looked behind us, we could see that the two main roads leading into the vicinity of the haram were already full. So people who were still approaching were forced to climb up a mountain, that was the only place left. And soon, there were a sizeable number of people forming rows on the mountain. Subhanallah. I hadn’t seen that before.

I hadn’t performed salaatul Eid in a Muslim country before, so the first time the Eid takbeers started, I nearly stood up thinking it was the opening takbeer! Unfortunately I only managed to record one of the takbeers.

The takbeers were beautiful, with each of the muezzins taking it in turns, but unfortunately the brothers where we were sitting just would not get into the spirit of things. And as the sun rose, we watched the sky change from pitch black through to white with various beautiful shades in between. Seeing all these colours, with Masjidul Haram in the foreground was just amazing.

Awaiting the sunrise on 'Eid

There were loads of balloon sellers too for the kids. Anything that a person could possibly stand on was being used to pray on. When salaatul Eid was announced and everyone stood up, that was really an awesome moment for me. And it sent a little shiver down my spine to think that I was actually performing Eid salaat in Masjidul Haraam. After the salaat had finished it became clear to us that we were going to have to run, as nobody seemed to want to listen to the khutbah, and everyone seemed to be in a hurry to go. Had we stayed where we were, we would have got trampled on, so we decided to leg it back to the hotel, and ended up watching the rest of the khutbah on TV. But it wasn’t quite the same though, and just didn’t seem right.

The crowd disperses after salaatul Eid...

Three days after Eid we left for home……an experience never to be forgotten. I pray that Allah takes all Muslims to both Makkah and Madinah, and accepts all our worship. Ameen

The journey of a lifetime

I performed my first hajj at the age of 19 in 2006. Even though I had been previously to perform Umrah, Hajj was a unique and indescribable experience, it truly was something that touched my heart.

The first sighting of the Ka’ba and the first touch, was a breathtaking moment; the beauty of it is incredible, and it is a memory that stays with you forever. I particularly enjoyed meeting people of all different ages, race and colour it was wonderful seeing so many brothers and sisters united; all here for the same purpose.

The second time I performed Hajj in at the age of 20 in 2007 was an equally overwhelming experience. I enjoyed every single second of every single day that I was there, and I pray that all my Muslim brothers and sisters get a opportunity to perform Hajj, as there aren’t enough words that can describe this extraordinary journey of a lifetime, you need to experience it to understand the magnificence of Hajj.

I never felt that this time would come. At the age of 18 it is quite young to do Hajj and at the begining of 2006 I never thought or imagined that I would perform Hajj this year.

I met so many people of different professions, race, colour all united with the white ihram and the pure intentions with conviction in our hearts, heading towards one destination, Labbaykallahumma Labbayk we all recited forgeting our differences standing side by side we are united in front of Allah.

Pictures and photographs are displayed around London, houses, Mosques etc. But the real picture is the one I saw through my eyes. The Ka’ba The House of Allah Almighty. The house that unites all hearts.

Since coming back home I have seen Makkah and Madinah in my dream. It is calling me back and I really miss it. I want to see it again, touch the ka’ba as I did, pelt the jamarat and cover my ears away from the evil whispers of the nasty shaytaan.

My dear respected brothers and sisters my words are nothing compared to what your eyes will see and explain for your self.

Open Your Eyes!

The journey of forgiveness by Rabail Altaf and Fahad Altaf

For those on the annual Hajj the journey can be one of great discovery and self-fulfillment.
Two local Muslim kids share their experience of hajj, Rabail Altaf 10 grade student and younger brother Fahad Altaf 7 grade student with their parents join a local group from Orlando, with Caravan of Lights.
it is a journey more than anything else about forgiveness and helping you to focus on your own spiritual well-being.
Any body can change no matter who you are.
For me going on Hajj was very personal thing.  Most people I have spoken to say one thing when they return.  It is indescribable.
I think going on Hajj should help you become a better person.  You can’t judge people’s intentions but one should try to take as much from the Hajj experience as possible.

The sighting of the Kaabah was overwhelming.  I was awestruck by its magnificence, its beauty cannot be described in any other way except by pure experience of its presence.
I felt incredibly insignificant standing before the house of my Almighty creator.  As I did my Tawaaf (circulation) around the Kabah, I couldn’t help but glance up overwhelmed by the thought that at this very moment thousands of angels were doing Tawaaf around the superior abode of Allah(swt) directly parallel to our tawaaf.  After we performed our tawaaf we cooled ourselves down by drinking zamzam water in which I felt all my fatigue and thrist diminish.  After we went to perform saee,once again I became emotional recalling the plight of Hajrat Hajarrah thinking how frantic she must have been looking for water.Finally, to end the rituals of Umra, we cut off a lock of hair my dad and younger brother cut their hair.
over the next days, the mass of pilgrims will move outside Mecca to sites in the desert.  the thunderous, melodious chants of the talbiyah was echoed from every direction,never had I felt such a strong sense of belonging.
The centerpiece of hajj is a day-long vigil on mt.  Arafat, the open ground was full of an incredible hum of people. It was the day where tears fell and hearts overflowed with thankfulness to Allah, with a strong belief in His mercy that all our sins will be forgiven.  The day of Arafaat is the day I ‘ll never forget.
In Muzdalifah as far as the eye could see all I could see was millions of people spread out on floor,under the clear black sky.It truly is an enriching experience, it gave me the international experience of the ummah.  There are people here from every corner of the world,of all diverse colours, cultures and classes.  However here every one is sleeping on the floor.  This spiritual equality of the sexes,the races the rich and poor is the main foundation ofHajj,wearing an Ihraam further reinforces this feeling of equality. I am ansure that my Hajj will be accepted in the court of Allah,since deficiences in deeds are bound to occur on account of human frailty and imperfection.
After spending the night in Muzdalifah we returned to Mina to stone the devils,It was chaolic!I had to make sure that I was not struck by a stone and at same time make sure that I don’t accidentally harm anyone,either.
After Mina we returned to Makkah to perform Tawaaf-e-Ziyarat,returned to Mina pelt the devils again for two days and then returned to Makkah,We performed the last Hajj rite the farewell Tawaaf and left Makkah with heavy heart for Medina.
Medina is home to the tomb of the Prophet Muhammad,masjid-ul-nabi is a  structure of inexplicable beauty, at first glance it was hard to look away,its a vision which will be imprinted in my heart forever.  I still can’t believe that I’m actually here,it’s nothing short of a miracle.  It was an honour and privilege to visit the most Beloved of Allah Messenger. IT’S  a whole different experience sending Salam them in Masjid-ul-nabwi.  When I visited the historical sight of Medina I could not stop the tear from streaming down my face, to walk in a place so steeped in Islamic History is inspiring and humbling..  In addition to the historic religious shrine, Medina is home to a Starbucks, Kentucky Fried Chicken and dozens of modern hotels catering to religious tourists.  The American pilgrims found the contrast disconcerting.
When I went to visit the Holy Prophet(saw)for the lasty time before departing.  When I return to USA physically, I’ll be there or in any where else in the world but my hearty will always remain in MEDINA.
I feel as if I came here with an empty spiritual wallet and as returning with an unbelievable amount of richness(spiritual).  Even if I Spend the rest of my life saying Thank you to Allah(swt).  It still would be insufficient I’M in debted to His(swt)kindness and banaficience.
The feelings that I used to feel in those blessed places are missing here.